It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
