You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
