Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
