i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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