I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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