you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
