She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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