home. puking in laundry basket.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
