The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
