So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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