So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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