I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
