the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
