If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
