even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
