C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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