Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
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