I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
