She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
