My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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