thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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