so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
