Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
