Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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