using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
