Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
