She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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