just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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