What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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