So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
