A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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