well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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