like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish I only lived at night.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
