he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
