guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
