May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
