who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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