I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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