i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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