just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My dick has a subreddit
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We smell like vodka and hangover
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
