I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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