yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
