i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize