he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
did i just pee glitter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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