I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize