I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
