If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
