he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We just shotgunned beers for America
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
