Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish my penis had an off switch
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
