woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
