Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
