other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
