Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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