I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
