I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
