Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
