Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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