Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
