GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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