Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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