U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
