I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
